my mom and i were listening to hipster cocktail party radio on pandora.

to give you a little background, my mom is a senior citizen living in a quiet sleepy town in north carolina while i buzz around like a cat high on catnip in my tri-state area of the country.

i introduced her to the station and over breakfast she asked what a hipster was.

i started with fashion "the guys tend to have beards, wear flannel shirts, skinny jeans and other ironic fashion like knit hats". mom asked if they sport work boots "usually not the men, but the women do sometimes. actually, now that i think about it, the women wear pretty much the same thing as the guys."

mom: so kind of like a lumberjack? (mom's getting the picture)

me: excatly (i'm totally over simplifying this)

she asked their demographic.

i said hipsters were usually 16-30's, but that some could be older. "and they usually have some money to toss around".

mom was surprised to hear frank sinatra playing.

mom: i didnt think kids today knew who he was. (my jaw dropped in a slightly insulted way.)

eluding to their musical tastes, I tried to explain how hipsters are usually somewhat nerdy, eco friendly, and romanticize music, movies, books, poetry and food which lends itself to a really wide appreciation of music. "hipsters are the ones bringing records back" (which also referred to a conversation we had the day before)

3 things i really love about hipster cocktail party radio:

1) they mix classic and current songs

2) they play covers of old classics covered by new artists

3) they play new artists with vintage recording styles

(what's not to love?)

mom: so they're a bit of a blend of a bunch of different types (mom's still getting the picture)

me: exactly (i still feel like i'm not quite doing this justice) but there's a slight attitude to them that most people don't quite get. i mean, i get why their self confidence is high, they appreciate a wide variety of cultures and don't limit themselves to any one style. but still, they can rub people the wrong way; they tend to have a f*ck you kind of attitude.

(suddenly i flashback to yesterday's walk around walmart and my distinct effort to not appear snobby as i frustratingly tried to find healthy organic options on the shelves to suit my usual diet. finally i opened my mouth and vented to my mom about how i was happy to be a food snob. but the guilt still dripped off me with every word.)

feeling a bit uncomfortable trying to accurately define a hipster for my mom i decide to defer to youtube...

mom seemed satisfied with that explanation and i was proud of my accuracy.

as mom started washing dishes and we resumed listening to hipster cocktail radio she asked "so, do you identify as a hipster?"

i think i paused for 3 minutes trying to evaluate for myself if i really am a hipster or not. i mean its a bad thing to be a hipster, is it not? but then, i do really enjoy the hipster cocktail party station on pandora, and i like to fit in wherever i am, not because i'm a poser, but because i genuinely do love a lot of different venues, styles, fashions, food cultures, and i'm constantly trying to widen my knowledge in the ways of the world and not just my small local bubble. i'm not a prep, i'm not a jetsetter, i'm not particularly arrogant (although some might disagree), i'm probably a bit of a f*ck you to the world at times, but i also have an immense love of the makers movement and my neighbors and the planet and i root myself in things that matter and make a difference to others.

mom: well?

me: i'm not sure.

(i consider the collage i did last night as part of a course mom and i are doing together. you have to take a thing that you say that frustrates you and find pictures to express it and your relationship to others because of it... this was my collage about fitting in and the pressure i feel to be a certain way.)

created with *pic collage* app for iphone.

me: i guess i'm a mild hipster.

(mom lightened the mood, lifted the heavy thinking cloud from my head and answered my inner debate with one question)

mom: well, do you own one of those flannel, checkered lumberjack shirts?"

me: a few. ha!

mom: well then i guess you're a hipster!

we both smiled and laughed.

thanks mom. i guess this answers a lot of my questions about why i feel such pressure to choose a certain style or trend and stay true to a single lifestyle. i just have to answer that inner battle with "fuck it erika, youre a fucking hipster, just accept it".

is self contempt as much as ones social contempt another quality of being a hipster?

i think it is...

dammit.