i think i've had a lot of success in life because before i ever had to deal with life my parents taught me about life.
important skills like basic human consideration, courtesy, putting others first, negotiations, honoring your word, treating everyone equally, understanding people's points of view (especially if they vary from your own), conflict resolution, integrity, believing in yourself, going after your dream, being genuine and authentic, having faith, being accepting and open to change, always striving for growth and more were all concepts and lessons taught to me as early as 7 years old. and the power of visualization which they taught me at age 5. its no wonder people used to say i was 12 going on 20, 20 going on 40 and now that i'm 30 and most of my friends are in their 50's and 60's. I'm shocked when I make a new friend who's 40 or younger.
but all this has made me think. are we screwing up our children by teaching them math before manners?
if we grow up experiencing life's tough situations before we're taught how to cope with them we are bound to think that our way of surviving those situations is in fact the way to survive those situations. and then we pass on those sub-par coping skills to our youth through example.
imagine if a child knew how to handle a bully before they ever encountered one? imagine if an adolescent knew how to communicate their need for homework help before they were ever handed a worksheet? imagine a teen who understands social dynamics, how to make friends, equality and inclusiveness before they ever hit a freshman year of high school. imagine a senior who knows who they are, their role in their community, their strengths and weaknesses, and what they love doing before they're ever expected to choose a career path and college study. now imagine an adult who knows how to respect others, be responsible for their own outcomes, gives of themselves genuinely through their chosen profession, and considers the consequences of their choices before they ever chose a life partner or decide to have their own children. wouldn't that person likely have a much "easier" life than most? wouldn't their experience be richer and more enjoyable? do you think that person would teach their kids that life is hard or that life is what you make of it? would they instill a fear of people or a love of all living things? and do you think their kids would be more likely to success or fail at anything they tried?
i think the difference is pretty clear. we'd all chose to be that person or to be around that person. the person who argues, insults, fights for that they want, deceives others to get ahead, manipulates to achieve results, cheats to avoid communicating their needs, and grumbles about life's shortcomings is a drain to be around. we've all known people like that.
life skills take time and effort to master as well. they're not instantaneous, they're just like technical or professional skills.
the skills my parents taught me carried me pretty far until i was 28 and my life got turned on its head. i was sentenced to deal with tough situations i had never encountered before, but with 20+ years of healthy coping skills, practice dealing with people, the willingness to take responsibility and the courage to examine and reflect i was able to move through the mud and the stress pretty quickly without too much bruising or scarring. some would call me a survivor, some call me resilient. i call me trained.
i am not a perfect person, trust me, my life skills may be beyond the norm, but my survival skills can still use some tweaking. my point is the scale is tipped towards teaching technical skills like math, reading, and geography, but we're not teaching the skills required for effective implementation.
if our careers and families are the pie filling than life and coping skills are the pie pan. If you try to bake a pie without the pan you will end up with a burnt pile of mush in your oven. extend the metaphor and you know that the mess others make of their lives we are often ones to help clean up. so better we prepare each member of society to make fewer messes to begin with.
for a baby's first birthday, lets give them a pie pan shall we?