in today's society divorce is almost synonymous with what the word breakup used to mean. but we treat divorce as though it was an experiment that badly exploded in the couples faces. making a mess and leaving both in hatred and disgust.

can we redefine divorce to be what it actually is? a breaking of a legal marital agreement? can we take away the stigma of destruction associated with divorce?

i leaned as a teenager that what upsets most children about their parents divorce is not the divorce itself. it's the fighting. kids don't care if their parents stay together. they care that their parents get along.

a friends teenage son overheard me talking on the phone to my exhusband and then asked when the call was finished "why were you talking to your ex husband?" to which i replied "we're friends". the blank stare i got back should have been a clear preface to his next comment..."why? he's your ex husband." i was stunned.

i'm very happy for my ex husband and i that we can call each other as friends or when in need, that we have no animosity towards each other for our marriage ending.

someone told me recently, 2.5 years after my divorce, "you're husband was financially abusive, you know that right?" to which i laughed and replied "you know how NJ has a no fault law if you're in a motor vehicle accident? we kind of had a no fault divorce". and it's true. we both went through our stages of anger and sadness and purging of old emotions at the end, but why place the fault or blame on the other person? what good does that do? besides, blame perpetuates fighting.

let me come down off my soapbox for a moment here. my point is I don't want future generations to see divorce as a synonym of hate or contempt.